SOURCE OF FIRST PUBLICATION:
NOTE ABOUT THE
AUTHOR: In her young days, Uyen Nicole Duong (Duong Nhu Nguyen)
(b. Vietnam) enjoyed her serious hobby as an amateur dancer and actress. While practicing law, she performed periodically before small
audiences in Texas, Virginia, California, and Singapore. She handled roles such as Lotus Blossom in the
controversial remake of "Teahouse of the August Moon" by The Arlington
Players and The Dominion Theater, Virginia; Imelda Marcos in a political satire written and produced at the Strand Theater by the Galveston Bar Association, Texas;
and Estelle, the ingenue, in J.P. Sartre’s "No Exit" produced by a
group of lawyer-actors. Her last dance
performance for a Vietnamese audience was at age 35 (her own choreograph to modern (non-Vietnamese) music). Her last dance
performance before a non-Vietnamese audience was at age 40, via the Houston Community College.
In the following piece,
Uyen Nicole described to us how she came to love dance as a child in Vietnam,
how she pursued dance as a cross-cultural young adult in America, and how she
remembered her last public dance performance at age 40, in Houston,
Texas.
LGT cu?a Việt Thức [March, 2010]
***
I have a notion about modern dance. To me, it is the means of artistic expression for today and tomorrow, where
the human body in its time and space will continue to complement other media
such as paints, sketches, or words, in the fluid process of
portraying the world of the present and the future. It is the breaking of rules
in order to apply rules, by someone who has mastered the rules (a point easily
illustrated through the relationship between ballet techniques and modern
dance). In means of expression such as modern dance, one learns to free
the artistic spirit.
It is because of this notion that I decided to write this personal essay on
modern dance, free from any research. I want this essay to reach my own
Vietnamese ethnic community. Our culture is quite rich with the written
words, from Chu Han, Chu Nom, to Truyen Kieu and the pre-war works of Tu Luc
Van Doan. Yet we can be so bare and scarce in dance and movements, and at
the same time so abundant in prejudices and judgment. In occasionally
appearing in dance solos for Vietnamese charity events in Houston, I have heard
comments accusing me of aggression and lewdness (ho hang; bao dan). I took
solace in the recognition that my culture is not accustomed to seeing dance as
artistic expression. Dance as an art form is often mistaken for pure
entertainment or even an invitation of a sexual nature. The body becomes
the flesh, rather than a tool of communication for the artist.
Yes, in writing this essay, I can rely on books on modern dance, attempting to
appear scholarly, but all that does is to make me into a poor imitation of a
dance historian. For the purpose of digesting my modern dance
experience as an amateur dancer, books will not teach me how to sense and feel,
if I haven’t sensed or felt already. Senses and feelings, I think, are
the essence of dance, and of art. The techniques and discipline are to free
those senses and feelings into tremendous energy, not to restrict them. I can
repeat what the books say and compile a bibliography, but how will they teach
me the power of creativity — something I must personally experience and
attest to?
I understand that in my ethnic community of first-generation immigrants, there
are people who have never seen or experienced modern dance. I will
not attempt to describe this art form, detail by detail, but, rather, will rely
on my words like an impressionistic brush to invoke the imagination of those
readers who have not visually been exposed to modern dance as an art
form. I will recapitulate here what modern dance means to me:
--movements on bare feet: the
image of freedom and the return to the basics of our physical environment.
–simple, innovative costumes: the body and its movements do the task of communication, not the costume!
Costumes are to aid in communicating, not to speak on their own.
–the creation of bareness or
austerity for the stage. The dancer creates the sense of cutting through
her space in order to speak to her audience with her body. Therefore, her
environment – the stage and props — should not engulf or overpower her.
–the creation of grace and
power from the most simple gesture or awkward movement: without modern dance,
where could one change a swing — whereby the dancer almost stoops into a
squatting position — into something so beautiful and powerful?
–grounded-ness in the textual
fabric of fluidity: an exhibition of strength, symbolic of the relationship
between a communicator and her perspective. The message is: “I express from where I stand, before I
leap into the nothingness of my space, and only because I want to return to where I stood before.
My clumsiness is my strength, my honesty, my beginning, as well as my ending.
I am a human, standing on earth, and even if I speak to God, I will do so as humans, children in his
image. I don’t wish to turn into birds or flying angels to communicate. I don’t
pretend to be beautiful, and in my grounded starkness, I become beautiful
without ornamenting myself!”
Modern dance to me, therefore, is the
contemporary human experience captured in the form of dance.
Thoughts of modern dance always rekindle in my mind the names of two noted
American dancers: Isadora Duncan and Martha Graham. Thoughts of
Ms.Duncan reminded me of a tempest and its velocity, perhaps from the story of
her death told to me by an artist friend. I was told that Ms. Duncan
loved wearing long scarfs. She was a tempestuous woman with a
passion for fast cars. One day, in driving a convertible while wearing a
flowing scarf, she died tragically in an accident because her scarf — the
signature of a dancer — got caught in something! It was a story as exotic
and tragically inciting as with most lives of the great artists — how they came
into, and departed from, this world!
Thoughts of Ms. Graham reminded me of a beautiful woman who was still dancing
in her 80s in long, austere, body-hugging dresses. The biography of Ms.
Graham was as exciting and provocative as her dances. I remember vaguely that
Ms. Graham’s life as a dancer (and as a woman) was connected to an older man
(her pianist and “co-conspirator” in dance concepts) and, in addition,
the lead dancer of her company, a much younger man who was her lover and dance
partner. What’s more, Ms. Graham was nominated for a Nobel peace price,
an honor for, and recognition of, the astoundingly thoughtful nature of
her art — something not every famous and skilled dancer could have achieved or
received!
But the name Martha Graham also reminded me of
the startling effect I experienced during my first observation of one of her
productions. By then, I had already been an admirer of classical ballet because of its
aesthetic beauty and discipline. But it was my first Graham production
observation that opened before my eyes a new dimension in dance — the portrayal
of the anguish, as well as passion, of our lives. Seeing a Graham dancer
“act out” is seeing life itself, in all kinds of emotions, events,
actions, and reactions. Modern dance and the Graham signature lies in
that long, dark dress, body-hugging, such that it covers all, but still reveals
all, in austerity as well as in a daring challenge. Her expressions become
herself — a body with all of its wonderful facilities, whether concealed or
exhibited. The body becomes the texture of emotions. I did not see
and could not feel these messages in the ethereal nature of classical ballet.
While abandoning ballet’s ethereal nature, modern dance takes the nervous
energy and bubbling effect of jazz dancing and transforms them
into flowing grace, the type of grace that lands
somewhere, instead of disappearing because it is above the air (as is the
feeling conveyed in classical ballet). By landing,
the message becomes condensed and fixed in our mind, rather than scattering and
being lost. By transforming common gesture into a dance language, modern
dance to me becomes the most versatile dance form which lends itself so
naturally to the richness of self-expression.
Modern dance, to me, is the
place where the American spirit of a melting pot will continue to be
captured. Tap and jazz all have their own unique point of cultural
isolation. Not everybody can relate to tap and jazz. Similarly, not every
culture in the world has a dance form similar to tap or jazz. But every culture
potentially can relate to modern dance. Everybody from every corner of
the earth has either walked on bare feet, stooped, squatted, or done a swing! I
believe it is through modern dance that eventually other types of ethnic dances
(from Africa to Asia to Latin America to Eastern Europe to Asia Minor) will be
incorporated into an American art form. African Americans (via the work
of noted dancers such as Alvin Ailey) have already taken flight with modern
dance to develop their own traditions and place in the dance world.
Modern dance, thus, to me means
freedom and liberty. "I, the dancer/communicator, stoop down in the lower
part of a swing, or bend and hold my stomach in a gesture of pain, or otherwise
seek a return to my mother’s womb. I may seem awkward at first, but in my
clumsiness I have rewritten the concept of beauty so I can express myself.”
It is, as I stated, a breakthrough, where traditions surrender to
innovation: “I wore my slippers and points to master the techniques
of grace, only to throw them away and bare myself in my return to what started
me at birth — I learned movements first, then I searched for acquired grace by
elevating myself, only to return to where I started in order to rewrite my
story and my concept of aesthetics.”
The sense of freedom and liberty in modern dance is something I personally
experienced. And I don’t mean a lack of discipline. Art is the free
spirit of humans, but the pursuit of art means pure discipline. The
best modern dancer, I believe, is one
that has mastered both ballet and jazz. But I also believe modern dance
will give creative room to the less experienced and the imperfect, because
self-expression in today’s environment can take on so many forms. In this
sense, as a lover of dance, yet an amateur performer, I have found my
freedom and my liberation in
modern dance as an art form. I will explain this by telling my personal
story.
I was a child born in Vietnam, an environment not conducive to early dance
training. I was sent to a nursery school and was first taught to dance by a
jovial Catholic priest in his 60s, Father Thich. (Those
Vietnamese living in Hue in the 1960s would have remembered Cha Thich as a
humanitarian and a scholar!).
Of course, I could not have received much training from Cha Thich. Those
days in Hue, Father Thich ran a nursery, and I was one of the children
entrusted to him. I remember vividly the feeling of exhilaration as I danced
around Father Thich, who was the “lead dancer” and the tallest of the class.
After my “initiation” into dance at Father Thich’s nursery, I basically danced
by myself, mostly Asiatic dances, which focused solely on group formations and
the intricate movements of hands and feet.
One day, my father gave me a small painting of a ballerina he had purchased in
London. I stared at it day in and day out and was mesmerized. In
retrospect, I think the painting must have been based on a real-life production
of Swan Lake. The dancer was tall, skinny, and ethereal. She became a
dream.
Yet life rolled on and I did not take my first ballet lesson until I became a
young adult in America, my body having already acquired all kinds of bad
habits. Naturally I was despaired. (Not to mention the fact
that during this period of my life — concurrently with my initiation to the
world of ballet, I also met the man with whom I ultimately teamed up, 10 years
later, to choreograph my first modern dance production, whereupon I brought
into the performance certain aspects of the Vietnamese dance traditions as I
viewed them to be). In a fleeting moment, I met this dancer on the
artistic strip of shops and apartments where my ballet class met, as I was
crowding into a narrow stairway coated with matted black paint, so typical of
the artistic environments of urban America! Ten years later, we
recognized each other in a different setting, after we had already conducted
our lives in separate directions. It was only then that I remembered that
fated meeting 10 years ago, when we were still much younger, how we had passed
each other like strangers acknowledging our presence with nods and niceties, in
a ballet class.
As my dance partner 10
years after our initial meeting, he became the extension of my efforts to
“marry” modern dance with the Vietnamese culture of my roots. On stage, he
enabled me to view him as the bridge to my home culture. His professional
training and background in ballet allowed him to be so versatile he could do
just about any dance movement, anywhere in the world. In dancing with him, I
formed my illusion: I was dancing with my own culture, seeing myself in
him, amidst the struggle between law and art, East and West.
Yet, in real life, he was a fellow artist who impressed me, not only with the
blue of his eyes, but also the truth of his lies! As artists forced to
live a non-artistic existence, we both somehow acquired the craft of
masterminding detachment and manipulation. To shelter our creativity from the
meat-market of life, we became detached, and we also learned to hide and
maneuver our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so adroitly. Only on stage did
we have that fleeting moment of being true to ourselves. In life, the man does
not care anything about my culture, let alone becoming the bridge for me to
touch that culture with all my heart. Yet, he was willing to misrepresent and
pretend just to get me to believe in him for other earthly reasons.
I love the artist on stage, but the artist is not the man in life, so when the
stage light is out, I have to reject my love from the start! To view him
as the manifestation of my culture on stage, I am indeed loving an illusion of
life.
Because of this coincidence concerning the paradox between stage and life as
demonstrated in my relationship with my co-dancer, my despair and love for
ballet as an art form, therefore, has been associated with the depression
caused by the paradoxical nature of my love for the stage, contrasted against
the cynicism that life has caused me. After all, stage is simply an illusion of
a fleeting truth. Despite the notion of despair, nonetheless, somehow in my
heart I have kept loving the stage with every fiber of my body and soul,
knowing poignantly that perhaps all tragedies in life begin with the blessings
(and the curse) of the in-born sensitivity that transforms the artist into a
communicator.
With such sensitivity, I knew I had to somehow use the stage to express myself,
whether or not my stage work ultimately led to a career. In the process, I was
frustrated as to how I could put my sensitivity into into dance. Ballet with
all of the strenuous applications of which I was incapable became a
restriction rather than liberation. (Ballet captures the type of human
experience that results from the aesthetic yearning of a golden age that
characterizes the ancient imperial court — the art form of the elites and the
royals. We carry that glorious past onto the future, so the art of ballet
remains to this day timeless, having evolved into the foundation of dance
movements and grace for the Western hemisphere. Ballet thus has become ageless.
But ballet choreography must also be updated or transformed, because the golden
era of the royal court is over. It is modern dance that makes the leap from
ballet and gives the final contemporary touch to dance as an art form.
After my exposure to Martha Graham (as a spectator), a professional modern dancer (a beautiful
Asian woman trained in New York City) gave me a crash class in modern dance. I
was still frustrated, but was beginning to see a light in my dark tunnel. I
sensed that my freedom and my
liberation could be found in this art form, so far as dance
was concerned.
My dance instructor in Houston, Debra Quainam, an older woman in her 50s with a
Master in Fine Arts, was the first modern dancer who patiently broke down
the techniques, piece by piece, to help me intellectually understand modern
dance movements and how to achieve them. Nobody else in a commercial
class has done this for me, although they are often kind enough to “do it with
me.” My dance instructor worked with us, the imperfect as well as the
naturally gifted, within the constraint of the diversity of our body types,
dexterity levels, intellectual absorption abilities, and attention
spans. I learned this breakdown of techniques, not in LA, not in NYC,
certainly not in my original exotic Asia of childhood, but right in the diverse
urban environment of the Oil Capital Houston, where I learned and relearned the
elementary techniques of dance with young blacks and Hispanics. Ms. Quainam
drilled into us the sense of urgency and the professionalism in taking
care of our bodies and in striving a little harder each day — the high sense of
discipline that could only be found in the highly competitive real world of
highly devoted dancers. She did this without making us conscious of our imperfection.
So in silently absorbing and behaving, each time the class met, I learned and
relearned the unlimited nature of my passion, vis a vis the limit of my
body — perhaps there is only so much I can achieve as a dancer. Perhaps I
will never have the luxury of constant practice to get better. Perhaps I can
never work against the natural process of adulthood, and what aging can do to
my body no matter how hard I try to prevent it. So, to substitute, I turn
to the magic of ideas and words — the natural progression of my intellect, the
ultimate absorption of what I see and feel, one facility that will not be taken
away from me in the process of growing up or getting old. But the
understanding that this is simply a substitute can make me shed a tear.
In the course of life, finally, when my body failed me, I opted to become a
writer instead, a dancer with words.
In the final cognitive
step of my intellectual journey, I know I can dance, perhaps not through my body, but with words. But even so, what
can I do with this sensitivity and the ability to communicate, even with words
as substitute? In the end, I sadly realize perhaps there is no real freedom or liberation. Passion
imprisoned by the necessities of life is a slow form of death.
This thought stayed with me one
Saturday morning, as I exited the Heinen Theater downtown after our
inexperienced, novice bodies had been through shivering, having “conquered” the
cold temperature of the theater to finish the piece Ms. Quainam had created for
us (one in which she daringly “married” our earthy “swings” with the
ethereal melody of Pachebel Canon in D — a traditional piece typically
used for classical ballet. This “marriage” between baroque-styled
classical music and modern dance was highly sophisticated, and perhaps the
novice dancers of Houston that day were not experienced enough to make the
concept sparkle, as it should and could!).
Looking back at the Heine theater, I breathed a breath of relief — thank God I
had not fallen for loss of balance, blanked out, or disgraced my
teacher some other way, including not only Ms. Quainaim but also Cha
Thich, the old priest who taught me to dance in Vietnam, and all of those
unnamed Vietnamese women, especially my two childhood friends from the Trung
Vuong secondary school in Vietnam — two striking and highly exceptional
women: Hoang Luong Ngoc and Do Nhu Hien — who, together with me, learned
to move our hands and feet the Asian way many, many years ago, in the
courtyards of our Vietnamese school.
I decided then I would write this essay, without an ounce of research, as a
personal tribute to my past, my love, to the diverse environment of Houston and
America, to Father Thich and all of my dance partners and instructors who have
“done it with me,” and who have broken down the techniques, always with the
sense of discipline and patience that their dance pupils don’t appreciate
enough. In modern dance as an art form, we have found our solace – from the
naturally gifted to those of us who are not lucky enough to start early and
fully develop ourselves physically in order to continue on with the pursuit of
dreams. And for those of us who are late-comers to dance, we learn to
recognize the intimate and inseparable connection between our body and our
intellect.
That connection, the heart plus the mind in one unit, the power of thoughts
wrapped with the power of expression in one body, in my opinion, is the essence
of Art.
Of Creativity.
And of Modern Dance.
Last, but never least,
it was only very recently that I discovered the following: the icon American
dancer Martha Graham, in her middle-age, looked remarkably like my maternal
grandmother, whom I lost with the fall of Saigon. The last time I saw her was 1975, before I boarded the plane for the one-way flight toward a new country and a new identity. She died in poverty in 1978, and was buried outside Saigon.
Uyen Nicole Duong copyright 1998, 2009
No comments:
Post a Comment